Welcome to My Crazy Mother!
Hi I'm Trish, the one in the cheap pink dress. The other lady is my mom Pat. A year and a half after this photo was taken my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's/Dementia. From that moment on our world changed forever.
It's been 4 years.
Through this journey I've experienced heartbreak, hilarity, and everything in between. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever survive, sometimes I am grateful.
In short - it's complicated.
I'm sure this is my life's toughest journey - or gosh - it better be - I can't imagine anything worse! (well, I can - but let's not go there...).
Good things have come from this as well, like personal growth. I am more compassionate than I was before, and I understand loss. I now feel the pain of others who have lost or who are losing.
I'm also more patient. I no longer assume the driver in front of me, or the cashier taking her sweet time price checking a good, is being slow on purpose. Before I would have been irritated, but having experienced my mother's decline I see how easy it is to miss the signs of a brain malfunction. So, yeah, I'm more patient; by about a billion times.
Until last year my mom lived with me and I managed all her care, activities, prescriptions, social engagements, and ran the household. In the last two years I also did a Masters Degree in Communications, but school, unlike work, was flexible so I could keep up with my mother's escalating needs.
In short, it was worthwhile for a long time. I am so grateful to have had the chance to spend significant time with her. But eventually the progression of her disease crept up on us and I was depleted and exhausted.
I delayed placing her in a facility until I absolutely had no other choice. I even took drastic measures to keep her with me - like moving us to Thailand (another story). Eventually her care far exceeded what I could offer. Almost at burnout, my personal life unravelling, I placed her in a facility on July 8, 2011. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
In hindsight (always 20/20), I should have done it a year earlier but I wasn't ready to let go. Who is ever ready to let go of their mother? It was necessary for the progression of my career, my relationship, and my relationships in general. But I am a stubborn girl (like my mom) and I had to burn myself out first.
I know this site isn't for everyone, I've made it because I want to reach out to others on the same ride. If you know anyone who is caring for a loved one - please send to me! Maybe I can share my insights, maybe I can help, provoke laughter at the insanity of it all, or maybe they have stories to share with me.
The one thing I know for sure is:
This is not a journey to be experienced alone - so, welcome to My Crazy Mother!
I hope to help in anyway I can. Ask questions in the forum. Email me. Sharing is caring; I look forward to hearing from you.
3 Comments
Reader Comments (3)
Amazing we have so much in common Trish. My older Sister and I have been through the same process. Though Mom had symptoms for awhile, she was brilliant at "masking" them to everyone but me.
She was officially diagnosed in August 2009 and with MUCH angst, placed in personal care on July 2, 2011, only after my older Sister had a breakdown from burnout and heartbreak.
I'm so happy you found me via Twitter! You are again correct - this is NOT a journey to travel alone on. All support is welcomed!:-)
Luckie
Hi Trish, I'm not sure what the Twitter connection was, you just started following me, but my father has Alzheimer's and I was happy to be directed to your blog site. My experience has been much different; I have lived out of state for the majority of his disease so instead of watching him decline daily I have been shocked at times to see how much he lost during my absence. Thanks for sharing your story, I'll share your blog link with my mom who has been the primary care giver. We can all use a laugh, and dad would be laughing too:)
Hi Elana,
Thanks for reaching out to me. I am glad you like the blog. I can imagine how hard it is to see your dad after long absences. Sometimes when I don't see my mother for a few weeks and in the past, a few months - I am shocked. It is not an easy road to travel there is no doubt. I am SO glad you and your mom are laughing, I'm glad your dad would too. That is a compliment. My mother would have laughed as well. There just has to be some humor in all of it. Otherwise - I might as well shoot myself now.