The plus side of Easter dinner with family

Before her onset of Alzheimer's mom’s favorite thing in the whole world was to cook dinners for 16+ people, at least 6 times a year. Every Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas sprinkled with a couple birthday and summer parties. My mom loved to cook, love to entertain. She invited friends, friends of friends, and visiting friends of friends. My friends, their parents, and many times their parents parents. I invited people I worked with, people who were new to Vancouver, even people I had met that day on the Seabus (they became her life long friends). 

My mom would plan, prepare, and organize these dinners days, even weeks before the evening. Shopping, chopping, baking, cooking, freezing. These dinners weren’t fancy, they were “traditional”. Ham, turkey, corn, scalloped potatoes, sweet potatoes, peas, fresh sliced bread, cabbage rolls, key lime pie, mud pie, apple crumble. And they were good and fun. There was always too much food and too much wine. In essence my mother was expert party planner. She was fun, lively and generous, guests were always sent home with a few leftovers and handmade dishrags. 

These dinners usually turned into parties, the irony being my mother was not a partier. She was not a drinker, and had a bit of OCD. She was always in bed by 10, with the kitchen clean the party continued downstairs without her. There were so many dinners, for so many years - I thought they would go on forever.  

On this Easter weekend, I miss my mom’s dinner. Even though it has been 4 years since her Alzheimer's began (and you would think I’d be over it), it is the first time since her diagnosis that I have been living my own life. Until recently I had been swept up in the blur and confusion of her disease which kept me focused on her. Now, I am working on my future, and life (direction still unknown), the absence of my mother this weekend is a deep and unrelenting. 

If you are lucky enough to be invited to an Easter dinner this weekend with family - forget what your sister in law said last time about your hair. Forget your mom makes you crazy (mine always did long before she was really crazy...). Don’t be irritated your dad always pours his wine first, or that your brother’s wife puts her career before her family - enjoy it for what it is. Enjoy the meal (and hopefully the wine), enjoy the moment and enjoy the company. You are healthy, breathing clean air, and have an abundance of food in front of you. This meal was likely prepared with hours of effort and love by someone who cares, so enjoy the honor of being invited. 

They really do not last forever.  

Happy Easter.