Sex Drive ~ Part 6: Meet John (the conclusion)

My mother has given me a grocery list of the most extraordinary kind.

You’re never going to believe what I need you to help me with. I yell out to Kristina “Okay, she's says laughing - but we need to make sure the guy is bonded”  

I look through the Yellow Pages for a company. “Hi, this is a strange request, I'm calling on behalf of my mother, she would like a man.” “Oh sweetie” the woman says, “I get calls like this all the time...” And somehow, the woman at the male escort service has made me feel better. 

I tell the woman I will call her back.  I want to make sure this is really what my mom wants.

A few days later:

“I don’t want sex with a man I don't know,” my mom says.

Immediately I'm relieved. She has come to her senses, she knows it was a crazy idea. I feel a sense of happiness, my mother is back. “I want a man who I can have coffee with, go to the movies, have dinner and have sex!”

My mother has just decided now, after an Alzheimer's diagnosis, is the right time for a relationship. And somehow I’m the one that is supposed find this for her. Suddenly finding a sex partner seems much easier. People have sex for the sake of sex, or payment. How am I supposed to find a man who wants to take on a newly diagnosed partner with Alzheimer's/Dementia?

Impossible.  

A few days later I decide I have to believe anything is possible, so I put an ad on Craig's List:

"Daughter looking for partner for her mother: someone to have coffee with, someone to go to the theater, do 'things' daughters shouldn’t know about. I also say, she has memory loss." 

I receive 16 replies in 24 hours. I was not only shocked, but a little saddened by the amount of lonely people in the world. 

Nearly all of them said "who doesn't have memory loss? One man in particular John I liked a lot. He seemed warm and genuine. He had three grown children and was looking for someone to spend time with. In his picture he looked handsome and was into politics - just like my mother. After a few phone conversations, I set my mom and John up on a date to go for ice cream. 

After the date my mom (and her driver) met me for lunch.  I was very excited to hear how it had gone. So, mom, how was your date? “He’s too old for me!" she said. What? He's 5 years older! He's to old for me she repeated. I can't believe it. Lady, you have Alzheimer's... maybe we can make a few concessions here?

A few hours later I get a call from John. He had enjoyed her company. He thought she was beautiful, smart, and loved her enthusiasm. He would like to see her again. I asked my mom again. No was the answer. 

John called me a few times that summer hoping to see my mother, and even sent a post card later in the summer. 

There was no changing my mother's mind. 

What I realized months later, was that by the time my mom met with John, her medications had kicked in. The medications help to manage these erratic/abnormal behaviors. Alzheimer's medications take months to establish as the doctor slowly increase the doses to ensure the patient can handle the increase. It actually hadn't been my mother on a crazy-sex-drive-kick. It had been a woman with Alzheimer's who's inhibitions/real personality had been altered by a progressive disease. 

The real point I am trying to make here with this story - is how important it is to have an accurate diagnosis. This has to be done (especially important in the early stages) in order to obtain accurate medication. Once my mother's medications were adjusted in her system, she became normal again (for a period of time). I remember her even telling me that she felt better, she felt clearer in her mind. And the sex stuff - gone, never to come back. It really hadn't been my mother. It had been the disease.