always wear sunscreen

My mom has been doing well since moving her into her new home. Once she learned how to get back to her room the transition became easier. 

There is an unexpected learning curve in having my mom in a care home. It has taught me to live a better, more fulfilling life. It has taught me to choose my activities wisely, and ask the question - is this endeavor worthy of my time and energy? I was in a little bubble before, randomly living for the sake of it, without realizing the true preciousness of life, or just how finite it really is. Now after each visit I walk out deciding to live to my life to the fullest, engage with people I love and mostly, have fun. 

My mom was always proud of what I was doing (I know, only child syndrome). Be it a project, travelling, or some new and interesting adventure I had chosen. Even though we were often separated, I always knew what she wanted the most for me - happiness. She wanted me to be happy. 

It has been hard on me the past few months as I have been looking towards my future. Not that my future is hard, but there is an element of moving forward that is difficult because I feel in some sense I am leaving her behind. Somehow I get to go into the future, but she does not - not in the long term anyway. I have found coming to terms with this difficult.

I realized this weekend that the best way to honor my mom, and her dreams for my life, is to live life to the fullest. She would not want me to be worrying about her or burdening me with her illness. Of course it goes without saying that I will be there - but I am also trying to remember that she would want nothing more than for me to be happy - and so in this moment, that is what I am choosing to do. 

I feel inspired by Baz Luhrmann's - Always Wear Sunscreen: Don’t worry about the future, or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum...

Give it a listen, I bet it will inspire you too.