Sex Drive ~ part 3 ~ the drive continues

For the next few weeks, I slide into a bubble of denial and try to pretend nothing is wrong. It had only been just over a year and a half since I had moved back to Vancouver. 

I wanted to be closer to my mother. I had left in my mid-twenties trying to get as far away from her as I could (I made it as far as Edmonton, and then I came back to visit every 6 weeks). It seems the further I went the better and stronger our relationship became. The only child, my mother had always wanted more of me than I could give. I wanted to be out with friends traveling and living life, she wanted me to be hanging out with her. After I moved away she began to live her own life. By my early 30’s I had made it as far as Toronto, but I wanted to move home. Our relationship had grown strong and I was now my own person. I didn’t want to miss any more time with her as she entered her 60's. 

A few Sunday’s later I call as I am on my way over for breakfast, can I bring anything, I’m on my way over? Yes, my mom says, "a man".  

I lose it. “Listen Mom” I say in anger, “I’m not finding you a man, okay? It is not my job to get you a man!,” I yell in my car. “Tricia, I want you to find me a man!” “Mom, who do you think I am? Do you think I have hanging out of my pockets? What do you think - that I have a catalog full of men to choose from?” I scream so loud I almost lose my voice (and feel instantly bad about it - but I DO like the idea of a catalog full of men ;-). Almost without hesitation she says: “Can you bring the catalog when you come for breakfast?” I shake my head in disbelief.

You have got to be kidding? I have enough on my plate without worrying about trying to get my mother laid. I’m grieving, working full-time, and in the middle of a major renovation on my house. More importantly, I am trying to get her a more specific diagnosis. The hope is that I can get her stabilized on medication to reduce and slow down the progress of the Alzheimer's. This means more doctors, specialists and tests. All my mom wants is for me to find her a man? Fuck, this is unbelievable. 

Except for Kristina and a few other close friends, I'm to embarrassed to tell anyone what's happening. 

To be continued in part 4... 

Sex Drive ~ Part One

After exactly 4 years  - I am finally ready to share this story. It represents the kick off to mother's Alzheimer's. Looking back it was an indication of the craziness to come, but at the this time I didn't know it. I will post Sex Drive in four parts. The following is part one.  

June 25, 2008, 830am - My Mom’s Office

Mom: “I put an ad on the Internet for a man...”

Me: “You did??? 

I stop what I am doing and look up at her in shock. 

Me: Well, what did you say in the ad?” 

Mom: “I want to get screwed!” 

WHAT? 

I hear the words coming from my mother's mouth - but I cannot believe what they have said. 

Me: “You do? 

“Whose name did you use in the ad?”

Mom: “My own.” 

I cannot believe it - any of it. My mom has put an ad on the Internet for a man and she has just told me in a whisper, at her office that she wants to get screwed? Worse still, she put her own name in the ad? That’s not even safe to do! My mother has lost her mind, but she seems perfectly capable to tell me about it...

This is not my mother. Not only is she is the most conservative woman on the planet, never drinking, never smoking, she has only had a few sexual partners in her whole life. Where was this coming from? 

Although we had had a very strong relationship, we had never discussed sex. She grew up in the 60‘s and the age of The Cleaver’s; I in the 80‘s in the age of Madonna. She was much too shy to ever talk to me about sex, it wasn't part of her generation, and I never wanted to embarrass her. The day after I got my period I came home from school to a book lying on my bed. “Did you get the book?” That was the extent of our sex talk. 

The doctor had warned me - but I hadn’t believed her. I didn’t believe my mother would ever exhibit these symptoms.  “There is one more thing you need to know, people with this illness often lose their sexual inhibition and because of this they often exhibit sexual behaviors - in public” the doctor went on...”people with this disease have been known to take their clothes off, touch themselves, or someone else, in public.” Oh, thank god - I thought to myself, that’s one thing I don’t have to worry about - this is my mother you’re talking about. I would do something like that (with the right amount of alcohol) -  my mother? ha. She would never-ever do anything like that. Or so I thought. 

To be continued...