A lesson from my mother's Alzheimer's: why a Power of Attorney is important

Two weeks ago bio-dad was told his lung cancer was back. In early March he lost his voice, once we realized it wasn’t a cold, we thought it was his vocal cords. However, the throat specialist said the left cord wasn’t functioning due to the lung. Which lung I asked him, “left” he said, which one was mostly removed a year and a half ago due to Cancer? The “left” he said.

Hummmmmm.... this doesn’t sound like a best case scenario. 

Despite my sadness over the news (we find out the extent of the Cancer in the results tomorrow), and knowing the process of legalities from dealing with my mother illness, I sprung into action. 

I called a lawyer, went went for an appointment. She verified my father was 'of sound mind' (necessary for POA). We signed the Power of Attorney (POA). The Will is being worked on now, we sign in it two weeks. How easy it is when you’ve already done it for one parent...

The importance of POA, cannot be under estimated. Prior to discussing anything - every single person, agency, and health care professional I have come in contact with in regards to my mother, asks for a copy of the POA. The doctors office, MSP, Revenue Canada, the cable company, the bank, the real estate agent, credit card companies, even ICBC (when I sold her car), the list is endless. 

Some of them I was able to drop off, some I could email, others I had to have “notarized” first. Yes, you heard correctly, some agencies want a “notarized” copy of the original. They know you can’t give up the original, so they will accept a “copy” but they want this copy to be notarized. I suggest getting 4 notarized copies of the orignial. Total pain in the u-know-what.   

Having a Power of Attorney in place, and a legal “living will” (must be registered with the provincial government to be legal), is an essential. Your chosen person will legally be able to manage your, affairs, estate and make medical decisions on your behalf immediately. 

Without these documents in place, not only will your children, friends, siblings, have to deal with their grief, but they will be tripping over themselves, other family members, and government agencies, trying to manage a difficult process without your prior consent. In short you will have left them with a ‘giant-mess.’  This mess will take months to sort, while your estate is locked in ‘government probate’ hell. 

I can hear the little voice in your head, but my husband, wife, friend “knows” what I want. They will know what to do, and they “know” everything goes to them. The government will know too. Turn that voice down, the government doesn’t give a lolly-pop about what you once said, or what might seem obvious. They will freeze every account with your name on it - before anyone has a chance to buy flowers. 

Take steps now: 

1. Put it on your to do list

2. Make a call to a Lawyer or a Notary Public

3. Get it done in the next month 

Getting a Power of Attorney in place, with someone you trust, to make decisions on your behalf is your responsibility, as parent, a spouse, and a person. Do not leave your affairs in a mess because you are to afraid to deal with it. 

A note to children of adult parents (especially my friends), learn from my mistakes. Yes, I know it is hard to deal with the mortality of your parents (it is for all of us), but don’t wait - and don’t let them wait until you actually ‘need one’. 5 years ago I had two healthy parents, now I have one with Alzheimer’s and one with Cancer. You just never know. 

With your legal affairs in order, you will have peace of mind you so you can enjoy your life knowing others won’t have to. 

Comments

[Rhavda Emison]

Awesome website! I wish that this had been around 12 years ago when my mom had Alzheimer's. It would have been of great help. I did my research and came up with a homeopathic extract based on essential oils that put my mom's Alzheimer's into remission at year 3. She was not under lock and key but she was living with us and I was her care-giver for several more years. This formula was made of 10 herbs. It stabilized her memory and built new retained memories but did not return her memory. The herbs I grew were Rose, helichrysum, oak moss, oatstraw (had to buy), Melissa, sage, Rosemary, Parsley, Chaste Berries, and Ginko (had to buy). I have continued to make and share this formula ever since in memory of my mother. My mom died of a heart attack rather than from Alzheimer's. She had a collasped vertabrae which led to a very rapid decline. By the way she was keeping her books up until she had the back problem and that was about 3 months before her death. Alzheimer's is such a devesating disease not only to the person who has it but also to the caregiver. I still experience health issues due to care-giving. My brother passed away 1 1/2 years ago in the early stages of dementia at age 57. His family refused to acknowledge that he had dementia until after his death. I am so thankful for this website and I will be sending others to it. Thank you for posting all of this information.